Signs You Shouldn't Purchase

"As Seen on Oprah" is a damn good reason to put it back on the shelf and move along.

Large Family Rummage Sale

"Large family rummage sale," the sign says. I wonder if they weigh people at the door and prevent their attendence if they don't meet spec.

Unbelievable

It amazes me that in 2006, there exist people who cannot figure out how to install any software from Microsoft.

A Definite Improvement

I can't tell you how happy I am Wal-mart ads don't contain family members and friends of their associates anymore.

Yield to the Right of Way

When I hit the intersection and stop at the exact same time as another driver, the odds of me yielding to a woman with fake blonde feathered hair in a Grand Am are considerably lower than other car/driver combinations.

Pop the Top, Wear The Soda.

Don'tcha just practically swear out loud when you open a can of pop and when it finally pops it sends drops of pop in all directions?

Names I Wouldn't Want to Go Through Life With #1

Musician Bruce Cockburn. Ouch.

Performance Enhancing Sports

I think we should have an officially-sanctioned no-hold-barred, doesn't-matter-if-my-testicles-shrink sports event where all the participants have taken every steroid, growth hormone and testosterone they can get their hands on. That is something I'd watch.

There Has to be a Line

At what age do we expect people in the corporate world to know how to email, archive, save files and print documents? I swear there is a line that if you're older, you don't have a clue, and if you're under that line, you don't understand the people over that line.